Here they are the marital Holy Grail. Ann and Trevor. 50 years in. They’re not just hanging in there either… Smiling, glowing with love and the life they have built together. A life spent well loved and loving well. You’d find it easy to believe they’d never argued a day in their lives. Of course that won’t be true but whatever they’ve weathered in 50 years they’ve found their way to this day beaming with cheerful grace and contentment. Solid gold couple goals.
I can’t climb inside their little universe of marriage and quote for them but if I am going to put words to their I’m going to steal them from this lovely little read “A Gift from the Sea” and chapter Lindberg writes about marriage…
“When you love someone, you do not love them all the time, in exactly the same way, from moment to moment. It is an impossibility. It is even a lie to pretend to. And yet this is exactly what most of us demand. We have so little faith in the ebb and flow of life, of love, of relationships. We leap at the flow of the tide and resist in terror its ebb. We are afraid it will never return. We insist on permanency, on duration, on continuity; when the only continuity possible, in life as in love, is in growth, in fluidity – in freedom, in the sense that the dancers are free, barely touching as they pass, but partners in the same pattern.
The only real security is not in owning or possessing, not in demanding or expecting, not in hoping, even. Security in a relationship lies neither in looking back to what was in nostalgia, nor forward to what it might be in dread or anticipation, but living in the present relationship and accepting it as it is now. Relationships must be like islands, one must accept them for what they are here and now, within their limits – islands, surrounded and interrupted by the sea, and continually visited and abandoned by the tides.”
Here they are, Ann and Trevor at St Edmund King and Martyr in Tendring…
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